Insider Tips

1) When presenting at the triage window have your care card or a form or picture ID ready and give ONE I repeat ONE complaint. For example; stomach pain, left foot pain, right eye swelling, chest pain. Whatever you do do not say "I feel sick" that is waaay to general. Also, do not launch into a long convoluted story. All we want is your one sentence reason for why you are in the ER, we will get a more detailed story when we get you into the booth, okay?

2) Whining, crying, moaning, yelling, fake fainting, throwing a tantrum will not, I repeat not get you seen any faster by a doctor. It will only serve to annoy the nurses and other ED staff and possibly get you thrown out. People who are in real true pain, are too sick to throw tantrums. Also, if you are speaking to me in full sentences and breathing normally, you are not in having an anaphylactic reaction; so please stop self-diagnosing.

3) Relatives. When deciding you are ill enough to warrant a visit to an Emergency Department please limit the number of family members your bring along to one to two. There is no need for you to haul the whole extended family in and take up the entire waiting room. Similarly, if an accident happens at a wedding,or gathering there is no need for the entire wedding party, all fifty of you to be in the wait room. Pick a few to stick a round, the rest of you go grab a beer. Finally, please keep all children at home, the last thing sick people want is a crying baby sitting next to them; and I'm sure the last thing the crying baby wants is a person who's vomiting sitting next to them.

4) Headaches/Nausea/Vomiting. Ok, now is the time to become adults and be proactive about your health. There are the marvelous places called pharmacies (or chemists) they dispense pretty little pills that can aid with a myriad of ills. So before coming to the ER, try taking a Tylenol or an Advil for your headache, and hanging out in a darkened room. Feeling nauseated? I suggest trying out some Gravol. These are all things we are going to try giving you when you first get here any way. So why don't you see if it works for you at home first. It will save you the trip and save us the time and beds. Also, Benadryl, works wonders for minor allergic reactions, like hives and itchy, etc.

5) Lastly, for the love of Pete, leave home with some form of identification that has your name and birthday on it. I'm not fussy, if can be a ketchup-smeared post-it note shoved it the back corner of your wallet that has never seen the light of day; just something, that so when you come in unconscious we can identify you and find your medical history. Now, ideally, I would say find your medical care card and stick in your wallet along with a little note that has an emergency contact number and any relevant allergies/medications; but that's only if you want to see me dance a little jig.

Last Thoughts

What were you were you thinking as you heard the police on the other side of the locked door as they tried to reason with you in steady firm voices to put down the knife?

What were you thinking in that split second as they broke the door and you chose slit your throat with such force that you sliced your windpipe in half?

What were you thinking as you began to bleed out on the floor? Did you see the fuzzy images of the paramedics hovering over you?

I heard about you before I saw you. "Traumatic arrest, two minutes out." Suddenly you went rushing by on a gurney dripping with blood.

I brought your paperwork in to the trauma bay. You had been to the hospital before, schizophrenia, you were 28, you had a sister.

I heard the social worker call your sibling, heard her ask if she could please come in as soon as possible, that you had tried to hurt yourself again and it was serious. The second after she hung up I heard that you were dead. I met you then.

I saw you in the trauma bay, they were getting ready to move you to a room, so your sister could say goodbye. The nurses had cleaned off the blood, and bandaged up your wounded neck. You looked quiet, pale and restful with your short dark brown hair and goatee, eyes closed. I guess you weren't really there anymore though, it was just a body.

I did see your sister. I walked by right at the moment the police told her you were dead. I saw the shock on her face and watched her collapse onto the floor with grief.

I also saw the sadness on the faces of my colleagues; the doctors, nurses, policemen. All who had tried to save you, for a life you didn't want to live.

Junkie Love

Love is a beautiful thing...

The other night we had two junkies brought in by separate EHS crews for minor injuries, both strung-out on heroine and meth. Greasy haired, missing teeth, barely clothed. They were positioned on adjacent stretchers at Triage and over the course of the evening decided they were madly in love, and got it into their heads to run away together.

They snuck out the paramedics entrance as a crew was leaving, and luckily one of the security guards saw them as they made their bid for freedom. He found them around the side of the building going at it like rabbits; which, I also had the pleasure of seeing as I was just coming back from my break.

It is an image of flailing arms and saggy naked bums that will be seared into my skull for the rest of my waking life, and probably in the after-life as well.

They clung to each other desperately as the security guards pulled them apart, shouting vows of eternal fidelity and loyalty as they were dragged back inside.

This time the Triage nurse was sure to position them on different stretchers; although, this didn't stop them from professing their undying love at the top of their lungs for the rest of my shift; which was oddly touching in its own way.

Love takes many forms, and far be it from me to judge. Maybe they will end up blissfully happy in a little log cabin somewhere...she will bake pies, he will chop wood for the fire, and they will have six kids whose names all start with the letter P and the whole brood will live happily ever after?

Then again, maybe that's just the romantic in me talking?

So you want to go the Emergency Room?

Dearest readers,

I know having to go to the ER can be a frightening and overwhelming experience to those who do not work in the health-care industry. Here are some tips to help things go as smoothly as possible:

1) Please refer here: http://emergencynights.blogspot.com/2008/10/definition-of-emergency.html for what are NOT considered emergencies, therefore saving you a visit (and me the headache) altogether.

2) Bring this http://emergencynights.blogspot.com/2008/10/identify-yourself_21.html with you.

2) When you walk through the sliding doors, read the giant sign that you can't miss that says "Wait behind the yellow line for the Triage nurse to speak to you". This aforementioned line, being the thick neon yellow line at your feet. Sometimes the nurse is busy triaging other patients. Do not fret, she will be with you as soon as she can. Do not:
A. Over step the yellow line to bang on the glass.
B. Come over to my desk yelling that you need to be seen ASAP, because your
toe hurts; I can do nothing for you until you have been triaged and are in the
computer system.
C. Hurl abuse at the other patients waiting, bemoaning the state of the health care
system, and telling them that your injury/illness is much worse that theirs; I'm
sure they don't appreciate it.

3) When the nurse is available she/he will ask you for your ID, and what the matter is. If she is not at the window when you first arrive, perhaps you can use this time effectively to think about what it is that has brought you to the ER, so when she or he asks you, you can give a concise, to the point answer. After taking your details you will be either asked to come into the booth for a full triage, or asked to sit in the wait room. Sometimes we get busy in the emergency, so wait times can be long...yelling abuse at the ER staff will not help things go quicker, FYI.

4) After you have been triaged in one of the booths, where the nurse will ask you questions about your illness/injury, and take your BP and temperature you will sent to one of three areas:
A. The acute side
B. The treatment area
C. Back in the waiting area, until there is a bed available for you.

5) This is when you get to talk to me. I will come around to either your bed, or have you come up to my admitting window. I will ask you lots of questions, some of which may sound irrelevant and annoying, but trust me are important. Perhaps something else you can think about while you are waiting to see the nurse, is who you would like to have down as your Next Of Kin contact, preferably a family member.

Please to not tell me that you have no one to put down; I will settle for a friend or colleague in a pinch. The worst thing is when patients are brought into the ER unconscious, or very badly injured and they have no contacts on their chart, no one to notify. Please also to not act like it is a big hassle when I ask you these questions, you are the one who decided to come to the ER, and this is my job. I'm sorry asking you for your phone number is the most annoying thing on the planet, but it is my job, so deal.

6) After I have finished getting all your details, I will give you a snazzy little bracelet to wear which will have your name, date of birth, health care number, hospital number and date on it. Please keep it on at all times until you have been discharged. This wrist band is how hospital staff know they are running the right tests of the right patients; drawing bloods, doing a cardiogram etc. Do not pull it off and stuff it in your pocket, or throw it out.


After all of that, the doctor will come and assess you and things will proceed along from there. Hopefully this post has been helpful in quelling some of your fears and has given you some tricks as to how to make your trip to the emerg. run as smoothly as possible, and how not to act like a douche-bag to the staff therefore, helping ensure a high quality of patient care, and a happy home-life for those of us who have to treat you.

Thank you for your time.

ETOH

ETOH stands for ethanol. More specifically, in medical notes, drinks containing ethanol. So pretty much when the EHS crew brings you in on a stretcher and in their Chief Complaint section it says ETOH, it means you are drunk off your ass, or have done something remarkably stupid while drunk off your ass.

It seems in the past week, that all of our Medivac chopper flights have been bringing people in with ETOH related complaints.

There was the one guy who got really housed, then decided to climb a ridiculously high tree and fell off; of the guy who imbibed a little too much Jack Daniel's and then went for a ride on his off-roader which inevitably crashed, the one who fell down the stairs and broke his back...and the list goes on.

I'm just going to put it out there that this is not a ringing endorsement for people from the city to move to the country. It makes us think that it must be so boring that there is nothing else to do but get drunk, do incredibly stupid things and get flown down to the big city for treatment.

A Hunk Of Burning Love

What is it about firemen that turn usually level-headed, mature women in to giggly school girls?? Is the the big red shiny truck? The uniforms? The whole 'hero" thing?

I don't know, but today we were graced with their brawny presence, and even the 50-year-old female doctors became flirty school girls.

It all started with a hysterical 17-year-old girl at Triage. I didn't get the full story but somehow she got an incredibly small ring stuck on her finger, which was rapidly beginning to take on the colour and dimensions of a tomato.

The nurses in Treatment attempted to locate our ring-cutter but to no avail. It seems like the sneaky little gnomes in OR like to steel our cutters and not give them back. When our charge nurse called to get them back they refused to give them up. As the girl was in increasing amounts on agony, time was of the essence. After trying to locate another set which was another exercise in futility, the only other option was to contact the fire department. After calling the non-emergency line and no one picking up. The charge nurse was forced to call 911, which was pretty funny listening to her explain our situation to the operator.

About ten minutes later three of the best-looking firemen I have ever seen strolled through the door. I'm sure they must all have been featured in last year's calendar! One of them was clutching the jaws-of-life and revving it full blast saying "so ladies, where's the finger??" with a big grin on his face.

Luckily the hysterical 17-year-old was in a room, or I'm sure she would have passed-out upon seeing the contraption. For those of you who may not be aware; the jaws-of-life are used to extract people from vehicles, not cutting off tiny rings.

Five minutes later they swagger back out, having cut off two rings, the girls, and some other gentleman who just happened to need his ring cut off as well. As they stepped out the brawniest of them turned around and joked " looks like you got two for the price of one, ladies. We'd be happy to help any time, you know where to find us" Seriously, I'm not kidding that's exactly what he said.

Then our attending blushed and giggled like a 13-year-old.

And that my friends is the story of the firemen, the ring cutter; and how you get female ER staff to swoon.

"Honey, I'm home".

Hello.

I don't know if you remember me, but I use to come here sometimes and blog about my life as an ER Clerk, but then I moved to Australia and took a job as something less exciting; henceforth no blog posts, but guess what? I'm back in the ER!!! So now exciting blog posts will resume again.

You are more than welcome to come along for the ride.