Insider Tips

1) When presenting at the triage window have your care card or a form or picture ID ready and give ONE I repeat ONE complaint. For example; stomach pain, left foot pain, right eye swelling, chest pain. Whatever you do do not say "I feel sick" that is waaay to general. Also, do not launch into a long convoluted story. All we want is your one sentence reason for why you are in the ER, we will get a more detailed story when we get you into the booth, okay?

2) Whining, crying, moaning, yelling, fake fainting, throwing a tantrum will not, I repeat not get you seen any faster by a doctor. It will only serve to annoy the nurses and other ED staff and possibly get you thrown out. People who are in real true pain, are too sick to throw tantrums. Also, if you are speaking to me in full sentences and breathing normally, you are not in having an anaphylactic reaction; so please stop self-diagnosing.

3) Relatives. When deciding you are ill enough to warrant a visit to an Emergency Department please limit the number of family members your bring along to one to two. There is no need for you to haul the whole extended family in and take up the entire waiting room. Similarly, if an accident happens at a wedding,or gathering there is no need for the entire wedding party, all fifty of you to be in the wait room. Pick a few to stick a round, the rest of you go grab a beer. Finally, please keep all children at home, the last thing sick people want is a crying baby sitting next to them; and I'm sure the last thing the crying baby wants is a person who's vomiting sitting next to them.

4) Headaches/Nausea/Vomiting. Ok, now is the time to become adults and be proactive about your health. There are the marvelous places called pharmacies (or chemists) they dispense pretty little pills that can aid with a myriad of ills. So before coming to the ER, try taking a Tylenol or an Advil for your headache, and hanging out in a darkened room. Feeling nauseated? I suggest trying out some Gravol. These are all things we are going to try giving you when you first get here any way. So why don't you see if it works for you at home first. It will save you the trip and save us the time and beds. Also, Benadryl, works wonders for minor allergic reactions, like hives and itchy, etc.

5) Lastly, for the love of Pete, leave home with some form of identification that has your name and birthday on it. I'm not fussy, if can be a ketchup-smeared post-it note shoved it the back corner of your wallet that has never seen the light of day; just something, that so when you come in unconscious we can identify you and find your medical history. Now, ideally, I would say find your medical care card and stick in your wallet along with a little note that has an emergency contact number and any relevant allergies/medications; but that's only if you want to see me dance a little jig.