Seriously?

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid some patients can be; talk about swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

Had one today, a 28-year-old male and it was like talking to a brick wall. As a matter-of-fact I think I would have had a more meaningful and fulfilling conversation with a wall.

He didn't bring his wallet, had no ID, couldn't tell me his phone number, address (previous address), or a family members number for emergency contact. Although; he said he had a mother, father, and siblings, all with cellphones & home phones. He didn't even remember the name of the company who he worked for, or a contact number at work.

Seriously.

I felt myself losing brain cells just talking to him.

Just needed to vent.

Stuck On Repeat

One of the ER docs was humming Mambo #5 all day at work the other night, and it has been playing non-stop in my head ever since.

I have been trying to think up a suitable punishment; any suggestions? Tarring and feathering has come to mind...

Junkie Love

Love is a beautiful thing...

The other night we had two junkies brought in by separate EHS crews for minor injuries, both strung-out on heroine and meth. Greasy haired, missing teeth, barely clothed. They were positioned on adjacent stretchers at Triage and over the course of the evening decided they were madly in love, and got it into their heads to run away together.

They snuck out the paramedics entrance as a crew was leaving, and luckily one of the security guards saw them as they made their bid for freedom. He found them around the side of the building going at it like rabbits; which, I also had the pleasure of seeing as I was just coming back from my break.

It is an image of flailing arms and saggy naked bums that will be seared into my skull for the rest of my waking life, and probably in the after-life as well.

They clung to each other desperately as the security guards pulled them apart, shouting vows of eternal fidelity and loyalty as they were dragged back inside.

This time the Triage nurse was sure to position them on different stretchers; although, this didn't stop them from professing their undying love at the top of their lungs for the rest of my shift; which was oddly touching in its own way.

Love takes many forms, and far be it from me to judge. Maybe they will end up blissfully happy in a little log cabin somewhere...she will bake pies, he will chop wood for the fire, and they will have six kids whose names all start with the letter P and the whole brood will live happily ever after?

Then again, maybe that's just the romantic in me talking?

Pet Peeve

Pet peeve:

Young adults aged 18-30 who go on week-long coke binges and then come into the ER complaining of chest pain.

So annoying.

FYI. Cocaine causes the blood vessels in the body to constrict. This can decrease blood flow to the heart, causing chest pain. Which in some cases can cause heart attacks, etc. AKA cocaine isn't that great for you; who knew?

Next time before you snort that line, I recommend you rethink your life choices before going on a bender,and opt for say one evening of coke induced fun, instead of a whole week. Which will save you money, and ER staff the hassle of dealing with you.

And, PS: Stop crying, you brought this upon yourself.

(Can you tell I had a lot of those come in last night?)

So you want to go the Emergency Room?

Dearest readers,

I know having to go to the ER can be a frightening and overwhelming experience to those who do not work in the health-care industry. Here are some tips to help things go as smoothly as possible:

1) Please refer here: http://emergencynights.blogspot.com/2008/10/definition-of-emergency.html for what are NOT considered emergencies, therefore saving you a visit (and me the headache) altogether.

2) Bring this http://emergencynights.blogspot.com/2008/10/identify-yourself_21.html with you.

2) When you walk through the sliding doors, read the giant sign that you can't miss that says "Wait behind the yellow line for the Triage nurse to speak to you". This aforementioned line, being the thick neon yellow line at your feet. Sometimes the nurse is busy triaging other patients. Do not fret, she will be with you as soon as she can. Do not:
A. Over step the yellow line to bang on the glass.
B. Come over to my desk yelling that you need to be seen ASAP, because your
toe hurts; I can do nothing for you until you have been triaged and are in the
computer system.
C. Hurl abuse at the other patients waiting, bemoaning the state of the health care
system, and telling them that your injury/illness is much worse that theirs; I'm
sure they don't appreciate it.

3) When the nurse is available she/he will ask you for your ID, and what the matter is. If she is not at the window when you first arrive, perhaps you can use this time effectively to think about what it is that has brought you to the ER, so when she or he asks you, you can give a concise, to the point answer. After taking your details you will be either asked to come into the booth for a full triage, or asked to sit in the wait room. Sometimes we get busy in the emergency, so wait times can be long...yelling abuse at the ER staff will not help things go quicker, FYI.

4) After you have been triaged in one of the booths, where the nurse will ask you questions about your illness/injury, and take your BP and temperature you will sent to one of three areas:
A. The acute side
B. The treatment area
C. Back in the waiting area, until there is a bed available for you.

5) This is when you get to talk to me. I will come around to either your bed, or have you come up to my admitting window. I will ask you lots of questions, some of which may sound irrelevant and annoying, but trust me are important. Perhaps something else you can think about while you are waiting to see the nurse, is who you would like to have down as your Next Of Kin contact, preferably a family member.

Please to not tell me that you have no one to put down; I will settle for a friend or colleague in a pinch. The worst thing is when patients are brought into the ER unconscious, or very badly injured and they have no contacts on their chart, no one to notify. Please also to not act like it is a big hassle when I ask you these questions, you are the one who decided to come to the ER, and this is my job. I'm sorry asking you for your phone number is the most annoying thing on the planet, but it is my job, so deal.

6) After I have finished getting all your details, I will give you a snazzy little bracelet to wear which will have your name, date of birth, health care number, hospital number and date on it. Please keep it on at all times until you have been discharged. This wrist band is how hospital staff know they are running the right tests of the right patients; drawing bloods, doing a cardiogram etc. Do not pull it off and stuff it in your pocket, or throw it out.


After all of that, the doctor will come and assess you and things will proceed along from there. Hopefully this post has been helpful in quelling some of your fears and has given you some tricks as to how to make your trip to the emerg. run as smoothly as possible, and how not to act like a douche-bag to the staff therefore, helping ensure a high quality of patient care, and a happy home-life for those of us who have to treat you.

Thank you for your time.

Acceptance

There comes a time when you have to let your loved ones go.

I know it is hard, and that it may seem like an impossible task to face life without them.

But if your special someone is suffering from incurable pancreatic cancer, and the doctor's here have said that there are no more treatment options, and the best thing to do is to make him comfortable; do not cart him on a fourteen-hour flight to Hong Kong to try some herbal remedies.

The last thing you want to have happen is for him to become horribly ill on the flight home, and to have to go straight from the airport to the ER, and then have him die overnight from the toll the trip has taken on him.

Wouldn't it have been much nicer to have had him pass away peacefully in the palliative care unit or at home, surrounded by those he loves, then in a busy, noisy, smelly emergency room?

Just putting it out there.

ETOH

ETOH stands for ethanol. More specifically, in medical notes, drinks containing ethanol. So pretty much when the EHS crew brings you in on a stretcher and in their Chief Complaint section it says ETOH, it means you are drunk off your ass, or have done something remarkably stupid while drunk off your ass.

It seems in the past week, that all of our Medivac chopper flights have been bringing people in with ETOH related complaints.

There was the one guy who got really housed, then decided to climb a ridiculously high tree and fell off; of the guy who imbibed a little too much Jack Daniel's and then went for a ride on his off-roader which inevitably crashed, the one who fell down the stairs and broke his back...and the list goes on.

I'm just going to put it out there that this is not a ringing endorsement for people from the city to move to the country. It makes us think that it must be so boring that there is nothing else to do but get drunk, do incredibly stupid things and get flown down to the big city for treatment.

A Hunk Of Burning Love

What is it about firemen that turn usually level-headed, mature women in to giggly school girls?? Is the the big red shiny truck? The uniforms? The whole 'hero" thing?

I don't know, but today we were graced with their brawny presence, and even the 50-year-old female doctors became flirty school girls.

It all started with a hysterical 17-year-old girl at Triage. I didn't get the full story but somehow she got an incredibly small ring stuck on her finger, which was rapidly beginning to take on the colour and dimensions of a tomato.

The nurses in Treatment attempted to locate our ring-cutter but to no avail. It seems like the sneaky little gnomes in OR like to steel our cutters and not give them back. When our charge nurse called to get them back they refused to give them up. As the girl was in increasing amounts on agony, time was of the essence. After trying to locate another set which was another exercise in futility, the only other option was to contact the fire department. After calling the non-emergency line and no one picking up. The charge nurse was forced to call 911, which was pretty funny listening to her explain our situation to the operator.

About ten minutes later three of the best-looking firemen I have ever seen strolled through the door. I'm sure they must all have been featured in last year's calendar! One of them was clutching the jaws-of-life and revving it full blast saying "so ladies, where's the finger??" with a big grin on his face.

Luckily the hysterical 17-year-old was in a room, or I'm sure she would have passed-out upon seeing the contraption. For those of you who may not be aware; the jaws-of-life are used to extract people from vehicles, not cutting off tiny rings.

Five minutes later they swagger back out, having cut off two rings, the girls, and some other gentleman who just happened to need his ring cut off as well. As they stepped out the brawniest of them turned around and joked " looks like you got two for the price of one, ladies. We'd be happy to help any time, you know where to find us" Seriously, I'm not kidding that's exactly what he said.

Then our attending blushed and giggled like a 13-year-old.

And that my friends is the story of the firemen, the ring cutter; and how you get female ER staff to swoon.

"Honey, I'm home".

Hello.

I don't know if you remember me, but I use to come here sometimes and blog about my life as an ER Clerk, but then I moved to Australia and took a job as something less exciting; henceforth no blog posts, but guess what? I'm back in the ER!!! So now exciting blog posts will resume again.

You are more than welcome to come along for the ride.